Mentioning adoption and colour. And is it true that children are “always colour-blind”?

My best friend at school in the 1940s was adopted. We all knew that, so there was no mystery or hiding the fact. As far as we were concerned, it was a fact of life.

In 2011 I was due to visit my granddaughter’s school and talk about my latest picture book.

I suggested to her Dad that he should talk to her about why I am white and she is black. She was about five years old at the time. It seemed a good time to explain to her about adoption, as I thought that some older children at the school would say that I could not be her grandmother. (We adopted her Dad who is black, when he was a baby, in the days when interracial adoption was actively sought.)

Later I overheard her playing with her various dolls and she said very matter-of-factly “That doll is adopted. . .   That doll doesn’t like wearing dresses. . That doll likes going on the trampoline etc. “ She invented all sorts of scenarios for her different dolls and was obviously quite at ease with the concept of adoption.

Our granddaughter is now aged eight. Recently she ran over to me at a playpark and said “Grandma, I’m going on the slide with my new friend”. She then explained to that girl who was wearing an African print dress. “She’s my Grandma. My Daddy was adopted”. Then they dashed off together. At that moment, perhaps she thought it a good idea to explain the colour difference to her new playmate. Presumably she felt the need to explain about me just then, although I have never known her do so before.

I recounted this episode to some friends – one of whom is married to a man from Jamaica. I got the distinct impression that they disapproved of my granddaughter saying this, but I can’t think why. I do accept that sometimes children are not aware of the colour of their friends. Sometimes the colour difference is not important or relevant, but equally I believe that sometimes it is worth noting. And why not? By the time you are eight, you have probably worked out that white people usually have white children and mixed-race couples have children who look a bit like either parent.

Why do people insist that children are always colour-blind??

As for mentioning adoption, perhaps that is more tricky? I don’t know.

I am looking forward to buying a copy of a new book by Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith, entitled “The Great Big Book of Families” published by Frances Lincoln Limited .

As I understand it, the book mentions every possible kind of family, with combinations of step-families, fostered children, adopted children, single parents, families with two mums, two dads, children of all different colours. It should be an enjoyable and very worthwhile resource in homes and certainly in all schools.

I myself have been trying to write a book about an adopted girl and her Life Story Book. A Life Story Book is a kind of scrapbook, outlining an adopted or fostered child’s own particular story. So far I don’t seem to get it right. My critique group also give me the impression that adoption and a Life Story book are very difficult and delicate subjects to raise, especially in a classroom. Perhaps “The Great Big Book of Families” will free people up to discuss variety in families.

Families do indeed come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colours. I salute Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith in opening up this matter.

EXTRA NOTE

Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith have written two other books. One is the” Big Book of Feelings” and the other “Welcome to the Family”.   Mary says “The new book, ‘Welcome to the Family’ is specifically about all the many different ways babies and children enter families“.